BDSM and Chronic Pain

I had a playdate with my Bi-Femme Top who is the BEST TOP in the WHOLE WORLD! *squeal* LOL I am enamoured by her toppiness and her wonderful Domness! LOL

She gave me a very good flogging, way harder then what she's done before. Which brings me back to the Pain Disorder.

It's very hard to play with people who have no understanding of Chronic Pain, because their concept of pain is so very different. They assume, quite naturally, I guess, that when one feels pain this "naturally," means that harm is on the way, or injury, etc. Which works as long as one isn't in Chronic Pain, but the minute one is, this concept goes out the window.

With my pain disorder, the first thing they teach you in Pain Management class is to ignore the Pain Signals simply because...they're wrong. A person can very lightly stroke their finger 100% vanilla style across my arm and I can literally scream out loud, the pain bringing me to tears.

Yesterday, Bi-Femme Top was flogging me with all her might and if you asked me, "Does that feel painful, is it hurting?" I'd say, "Nope, hardly feeling a thing!" In other words, she could of been slicing into my backside for all I know, skin breaking all over the place but to go on the feeling, it wasn't "hurting," anything worse then a medium massage hurts me at times. Technically, injury could happen while I'm sitting there "feeling FINE!" LOL

This Top has disabilities and is accustomed to long term chronic pain herself, so she understands the "language," of chronic pain. She also isn't as worried about hurting me physically because she, like I, understand that I will heal. I'm used to doing an arthritis swim class and not being able to walk for a couple of days, or needing help dressing, so, you know, I'm used to being "injured," or physically hurt on a regular basis because of my disorder, so...this doesn't scare me. I know the difference between being hurt and being harmed or seriously injured/damaged both physically and psycologically, and the truth is....

It's the psycological injury that can and does cause me the more harm. Even if in the end I'd been bruised and battered by Bi-Femme Top's (BFT1) flogging, it still wouldn't have caused the "harm," that the whole, "I didn't really want to play with you," kind of BS that the Other Top I played with, pulled on me.

One of the things that we did differently this time, is she went along and marked with lipstick where my trigger points were, which allowed her to make sure she didn't hit right on them. That simple accomodation made a huge, huge difference, as hitting the trigger points will send pain zooming along my limbs, etc. Then....

We played with Hot Wax! Which was new for me and Soooooooo Much Fun! As much fun as Bondage and Flogging! BFT1 enjoyed it immensely as I was "screaming," and squealing something awful. But again it really didn't "hurt," as much as it stung or of course burned. I can't describe how much I loved it! Definately a 5 (do as much as possible) on my check list scale.

Funny thing with the BDSM however...It relaxes me like nothing else I've ever experienced, a pretty mean substantial feat considering how high strung, anxious and hyperactive this puppy is. *grin* I crashed, I mean CRASHED when I got there, was out like a light by 8:30pm. *yawn* Haven't had that deep a sleep in a loooooong time.

I am feeling so much better after my playdate yesterday. Psycologically that is. I was feeling like quite the failure as a Sub before, due to the Bad Scene I had with another Top the previous week, but I called up BFT1 and told her how I was feeling and asked is she'd be willing to give me a good Topping to help me out, which she did. I thanked her by sweeping her floor and doing her dishes. *pause*

It doesn't feel right getting topped and then not doing something to show my thanks to the Top in question. Feels like I'm using them as a...well...servant otherwise. Which..."Blech," I personally don't like. *smile* Plus...

I can focus much better once I've been flogged, etc. *smile* Andrenaline does that you know, increases your ability to attend and focus. *smile*All in all, a very good playdate. Just what the doc ordered!