UNHOLY HARVEST: BDSM & Disability Workshop

So my Leathercrips 101 workshop went pretty well. Truth be known, I found the conference pretty taxing, health wise and was quite exhausted, especially mentally by the time my Sunday morning talk came around and even considered calling in sick. LOL But considering there aren’t many of us Leathercrips Out as of yet (I’m using it as a Political Activist Identity here, not simply “crips into BDSM) I pushed myself through my fatigue. I was having major Fibro Fog, my brain wasn’t functioning well at all, so I decided not to bother to attempt to hide that fact and let folks know straight up that I’d probably be all over the place, forgetful and so forth at times. Plus…I lost my cue cards! How typical is THAT! LOL I did my best to cover a whole slew of topics:

1. Difference btwn PC Language and Diversity.

2. Class and Disability:- As something like 80% of PWDs live below the poverty line, I believe it’s important to speak about class as an aspect of Disability. I shared quite few examples from the last couple of years of the Ablism/Classism I’ve experienced and how disempowering it was.

3. Pointed out how so much of BDSM Idnentities and expected role behaviors/rituals were based on assumptions of Ability. Such as the slave positions, which, I got down on my knees, and showed, how, within fifteen seconds, I couldn’t possibly do it anymore. Then I gave examples of how I disclosed my disabilities or attempted to, and how I ran into the “That’s not what is happening, what is happening is that YOU are…” fill in the blanks, “using it as an excuse,” “deliberately attempting to offend,” and so forth.

4. Pointed out how bodily fluid issues such as loss of bowel or bladder control during sex AND in an everyday life situation were basically, well “everyday life,” realities for many a PWD, and how the attitude many kinksters have towards fluid play is actually quite an ablest and shaming attitude. Pointing out how empowering it might be for PWDs who had bowel and bladder control issues to be able to eroticize it in some way, see themselves as “Kinky” which is so much more of a “cool” Identity then “shitty pants.” LOL You know what I mean!

5. Discussed that BDSM language was actually appropriated from the street class: prison subculture, sex trade and basic everyday life, so in regards to being friendly and sensitive to people who for all you know, might be from the street class, you might want to be careful about telling newbies how they can and cannot use language that is specific to their everyday culture.

6. I explained why BDSMers in general, TABs should embrace Disability and Sexuality issues, asking folks if they were tired of being on the defensive all the time, being on the “Is BDSM Abuse/Isn’t Abuse,” gerbil wheel. And suggest how TABs can use Disability and Sexuality issues as their “Silver Bullet,” so to speak, to go on the offensive and change the nature of the argument. Pointed out that the assumption that vanilla sex wasn’t painful, didn’t leave bruises and so forth was an extremely Ablist assumption and gave examples of how PWDs cannot separate the medicalization of the body from the sexualization of the body.

7. Hot Wax is a well known Arthritis therapy, tens units, cupping units and so forth are all medical instruements. Used the alternative practice of using Bee Stings as an MS treatment and the theories behind it, being similar to burning with a cigarette, in regards to physiological response and so on. (just as a metaphor, that’s actually a topic, that someone with more MS understanding might want to think about writing a piece on. )

I think it’s very important that Leathercrips show kinky TABS how THEY can benefit from embracing sex and disability issues in their own lives. Instead of just doing the “you should be sensitive to PWD feelings and experiences, you bad, bad ablest folks.”

For example, one could have hooks up in the ceiling over ones bed, and if anyone asks, just say, “Oh, my girlfriend has some disability mobility issues, so we use aids to help her increase her ability to stay in different positions.” LOL I don’t think using Disbility Issues in this sense is wrong. In the case of a TAB stealing a PWD parking lot, they are taking something away from us, disempowering us. But by simply bringing up the possibility that their partner might have some kind of disabilities, and that many of the toys are accessibility tools, it forces the listener to see PWDs as sexual beings, which in itself, is an activist and empowering thing to do.

In this way, kinky TABS are benefiting from disability and sex issues even if they themselves do not have disabilities as it basically forces folks to look at BDSM from a completely different perspective then they have before. As well as what is and isn’t “normal” in regards to sex, pain, ability during sex. Plus, people tend to get more into things, when they see how the issues can bring positive change into their own lives.

8. Talked about how to adapt medical toys for sex play, showed some of my favorite sex accessory tools. I actually had meant to spend much more time on this, as well as suggestions regarding very actual things that play party organizers could do, but, my brain was all foggy and I spent longer then I ment to on the class aspect. I’ll have to do a hand out/email that I can send to folks.

All in all, it was a really good”first time,” and Syr took me out for St. Hubert Chicken and Quebecois sugar pudding, which I absolutely ADORE! LOL One of the organizers came but told me she couldn’t stay as she had to go and help out in other areas. Basically coming as a sign of respect which I greatly, GREATLY appreciated. She ended up staying for the whole thing, she was so interested in what I was saying and told me it was a “kick ass” workshop. So that was VERY validating.

EDITED: Syr has corrected me. Apparently the owner of Breathless couldn't come to the workshop because she was asked to cover another one. So my appologies to her if she read the previous version. Not, that it was anything that bad. And I still think she might want to look into any programs for businesses she could get to make the place more accessible, including venting issues. *pause* I wonder if she's even considered looking into all the various small business grants for the club. Technically...it IS a business...*business training kick starts hyperactive brainstorming...* LOL Hell! Maybe she could hire me on p/t through a government grant? *grin* Well she DOES need help and all! LOL

Unfortunately, being that I was a last minute add on, I ended up being in competition with “Dyke Cocksucking.” As I said in the workshop, “Femmes been sucking dyke cock for centuries, so, I’m not sure what all the hullaballo is about.” In other words, it’s pretty “vanilla” territory from a Femme/Butch perspective. LOL Or even a Femme/Femme perspective I’m betting! LOL It’s only those coming from the Lesbian Feminist background that would think it was edgey and “taboo.” LOL Still, you have the choice between Dyke Cocksucking and “Playing with PWDs,” and which one are most folks gonna take?

I had a group of all of FIVE people. And THREE of them turned out to be PWDs. *grin* One who pointed out that I shouldn’t have assumed they were all able bodied. Which I actually didn’t. When I saw the small crowd I thought, “Gee, I bet only PWDs showed up.” But you know, it was my first time doing anything like this, and I kind of had in my mind a talk focused towards the TAB community, and with my cognitive abilities being as foggy as they were, I simply didn’t have the ability to modify my talk, on the moment.

Still, I need to remember to ask upfront next time how many people are PWDs so that I can then move onto a more, brainstorming or “what’s your experience?” kind of workshop instead of a ‘bonk the TABs on the head over their Ablism/Classism and snap them awake,” kind of workshop. LOL

One woman was on oxygen (has the tubes that fit in your nose? I’m not sure what that’s called? I need the technical term again. Anyone? And please send me a link to info on this topic please, as I know nothing, NOTHING about it.) She had been hoping on finding out ways to eroticize her equipment, which actually wasn’t the focus of the workshop, but would be a great workshop in and of itself!

To be honest, it WAS a bit disheartening to see only two TABs showing up to the talk. *sigh* But it DID actually prove my point. That for all these women’s “talk” about supporting women with disabilities and poor women, when the time came to actually show some interest and support….they were off sucking cock. Not male cock, but still, they were off sucking cock. That says it all, doesn’t it? *sigh*

Looking on the positive side, it’s not like there have been many talks on these issues in recent years.and now there’s been a Leathercrip Workshop at a Women’s Kink Conference! Opening the door to many others I’m sure! I’m happy with my performance. It wasn’t professional, but it was good and I think it got folks thinking about many a kink issue from different perspectives. So…

“Yeah Me!”